New Memories

Within the week it will have been five years exactly since I endured one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. How nice then that this year I will be able to soon form new association with this time of the year. Associations to something that will surely be remembered as a happy and fantastic occasion.

It doesn’t feel happy at the moment though. I’ve spent the last couple days playing “Sophie’s Choice” with my personal belongings, and as I’ve only space in two suitcases and a backpack, most things have made it to the trash or sale piles. Having to pare your life down to a portable format, no matter what the circumstances, is always something that will end up depressing and irritating you. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do it, though it will hopefully be the last.

I also had to face a grim moment yesterday as I hugged some friends goodbye and realized that it will very probably, for some of them at least, be the very last chance I get to talk to, hang out with, harass, annoy, pester, harangue, and generally torment them. I hugged them that much harder, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.

It’ll all be worth it though. Soon I’ll be by the side of the woman I love, for once able to try to live a normal life and have a normal marriage, free from the previous difficulties that once stalled our lives. It will be the first time in over two years that my wife and I will legally be in the same place at the same time. After a little while, we’ll both be able to work, which is again something new to our relationship.

While I won’t be able to replace my friends here, I will be able to make new friends, and hopefully see my old friends in occasional vacations back to the states.

Most of all though, I am just ready for all this to be over. The constant stress of this last summer has been a constant drain on my emotions and brainpower, such that I feel like I’ve been going around in a fog, just trying to get through the days. But it will all be over soon, perhaps sooner than I’m truly ready for, but then again how could anyone be truly ready to abandon everything? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’ll soon be in France, once again at the side of the woman I love, which is where I belong. And it’s about damned time.


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