It all started innocuously enough – my Dad told me he got the new iPhone4, and loves it.  Especially this game he found, called Angry Birds.

Well, said I, I’ve heard about that one – never played it though.  But I thought it must be a hell of a video game to get my Dad sucked into it (previously, the only video game I’ve known him to play is Tetris).  So I downloaded it.

THIS GAME IS LIKE METH – except it’s free (and, you know, my teeth haven’t started falling out).

For those who haven’t played the game, the whole idea is that some (angry?) pigs have stolen a lot of eggs belonging to a clan of birds who I can only assume are somehow related to William Wallace – screw with them and they will destroy everything you’ve ever known.

You, the player, then directly manage their avian assault upon all things pig related via direct control of a slingshot, loaded with all manner of fowl.  You pull back the slingshot and launch the kamikaze birds to their death against the wood, glass, metal and stone panels of the hated enemies fortresses.  Various birds have special abilities (becoming 3 birds, dropping bombs, exploding) that are activated by tapping the screen.

Kill all the pigs to advance.  Bonus points for as much collateral damage as you can inflict.  Triple bonus points for stealing a pigs identity and charging multiple embarrassing porn subscriptions to their credit card.

Sounds simple right?  Sure it does.  And on the face of it, it IS simple.  But the gameplay quickly gets more challenging than playing Operation on a sugar binge.  The game is physics-based, which means that the structures you’re damaging rock and sway and fall apart in a mostly realistic manner, and finding the one weak spot to bring that fort tumbling down with maximum points is sometimes pretty hard to do.

If you decide to go for three stars on every level (and you will – trust me you will), it’s very easy to sit there staring at your phone for hours, coming back to reality only when you realize that the dog has died of starvation three days ago, and his corpse is starting to stain the carpet.

ANGRY BIRDS: Not Even Once

By the way, if anyone has any advice on beating 3-5, I’m listening.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go play my game.


One thought on “Two Words: ANGRY BIRDS

  1. Just what I need, another iPhone addiction. I already ignore my children while playing Words with Friends. 😉

    I LOVE your site. Between WordPress and Facebook, we actually have a shot at keeping in touch. Much love from the Nowells!

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