My Open Letter To The Folks At Dr. Pepper (that I actually sent)

As some of you may know, since leaving the states I have been absolutely unable to find my favorite soda (Dr. Pepper if you hadn’t guessed) anywhere.  I’ve searched every major grocery store we’ve been to; nobody carries it.

So today, I decided to try and do something to fix my Dr. Pepper-related crisis, which prompted me to send this letter to the Customer Relations department at Dr. Pepper.

Is it a bit much?  Deliberately so, especially the alliteration whenever referring to the soda.  Is it too much?  Not if they have a sense of humor – or a heart.  Did I actually send this?  You betcha.  Am I going to let you know if I get a response?  Of course.

(Edit: Oh hell, I just noticed I used the adjective “peerless” twice.  Oh well)

Dear Folks At Dr. Pepper,

I am writing to you today out of desperation and am asking for your kind assistance.

Allow me to explain.  Roughly five months ago I left the U.S.A. and moved to France to pursue the only thing in life greater than Dr. Pepper: love.  My spouse is from there, you see, and my marriage required me to relocate.

However, when I left my home country, little did I know that I would be voluntarily plunging myself into a cold, stygian darkness of a Dr.Pepper-less existence.

The fact is that despite all my searching, all my rooting and rummaging, all my detailed examinations of every major store in the area, I have been unable to find your beloved beverage on any shelf.  Neither bottle, nor can, nor even a single drop of your excellent elixir.

It is without doubt that my brand-loyalty cannot be called into question.  From an early age, the perennial question posed by waitresses in every establishment I patronized – “What can I get you to drink?” – has always been answered with a resounding and unambiguous cry of “Dr. Pepper!”; for I knew that I could never be disappointed with your peerless preparation of 23 flavors.  Almost any soft drink purchase that I have been involved in throughout the years has resolved itself with a Dr. Pepper in my hand.

I therefore ask for your help in ameliorating the gloomy, desolate state in which I find myself – unable to locate any of your peerless product and desperately longing for a bottle, a can, or even a sip.

Please tell me, is there anything you can do?

Hoping you respond soon,

Don Hillson
don.hillson@gmail.com

consumer.relations@dpsg.comDear Folks At Dr. Pepper, 

I am writing to you today out of desperation and am asking for your kind assistance.

Allow me to explain.  Roughly five months ago I left the U.S.A. and moved to France to pursue the only thing in life greater than Dr. Pepper: love.  My spouse is from there, you see, and my marriage required me to relocate.

However, when I left my home country, little did I know that I would be voluntarily plunging myself into a cold, stygian darkness of a Dr.Pepper-less existence.

The fact is that despite all my searching, all my rooting and rummaging, all my detailed examinations of every major store in the area, I have been unable to find your beloved beverage on any shelf.  Neither bottle, nor can, nor even a single drop of your excellent elixir.

It is without doubt that my brand-loyalty cannot be called into question.  From an early age, the perennial question posed by waitresses in every establishment I patronized – “What can I get you to drink?” – has always been answered with a resounding and unambiguous cry of “Dr. Pepper!”; for I knew that I could never be disappointed with your peerless preparation of 23 flavors.  Almost any soft drink purchase that I have been involved in throughout the years has resolved itself with a Dr. Pepper in my hand.

I therefore ask for your help in ameliorating the gloomy, desolate state in which I find myself – unable to locate any of your peerless product and desperately longing for a bottle, a can, or even a sip.

Please tell me, is there anything you can do?

Hoping you respond soon,

Don Hillson
don.hillson@gmail.com

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7 thoughts on “My Open Letter To The Folks At Dr. Pepper (that I actually sent)

  1. […] As some of you may know, since leaving the states I have been absolutely unable to find my favorite soda (Dr. Pepper if you hadn't guessed) anywhere.  I've searched every major grocery store we've been to; nobody carries it. So today, I decided to try and do something to fix my Dr. Pepper-related crisis, which prompted me to send this letter to the Customer Relations department at Dr. Pepper. Is it a bit much?  Deliberately so, especially the all … Read More […]

  2. Eloquent, thanks for the feedback. And you can definitely expect me to call you on your offer if the kind folks over at Dr. Pepper don’t come through for me. 🙂

  3. I have yet to receive a response from Dr. Pepper. I’m thinking a follow-up letter might be in order if I don’t soon get an answer.

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