Those few loyal readers that I have will know that this is not generally a blog concerned with current events or news; however, occasionally a news story of such interest to me comes along that I feel I must share it. Here it is then.
Much concern exists around the topic of global warming – much debate as well, as there are those who consider there to be insufficient research and data to come to the conclusion of changes in global weather patterns. Naturally then there is much research into the topic, and as of yesterday, some surprising revelations.
Dr. Sandy Dersham of Idolum Australian Laboratories for Picayune Research (I.A.L.P.R.) announced the conclusion of their Study Of Ferial Liability Observations (S.O.F.L.O.), a project of which he is the head researcher and which was a four year and 1 month long study which examined many global trends and weather patterns.
The press release he issued yesterday contained, in particular, one shocking revelation: the decline of piracy is to blame for the global climate change. Their extensive research into the subject has shown that, as the global rate of piracy has declined, an almost exactly proportional increase in the mean global temperature has occurred.
Dr. Dersham had this to say on the subject: “While I would be the first to admit that the correlation is, on the face of it, seems completely laughable and spurious, the proof is undeniable. We have exhaustively examined historical records from the past few centuries, and have found that this link, which at first seems tenuous at best, is in fact the most tenable theory for global climate change yet put forward.”
“We have no solid theories yet on how this causal relationship works. We are at the moment securing funding for a second project to explore this matter further. The proposed project will last an additional four years and one month and will be named the Practical Review And Normalizing of Kephalonomancy.”