Osama’s Last Will And Testament Found?

By now, you have doubtless heard that on May 2nd (local time), a U.S. military mission located and killed Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

What you may not have heard however is that his last will and testament was located simultaneously.  It’s already been translated and is being analyzed by legal experts.

Thus far, the only consensus reached is that, judging by his will, the worlds most wanted terrorist may have suffered a decline in mental capacity in his last years.  Here are a few excerpts from the document.  Enjoy.

“I direct that the disposition of my remains be as follows: that my body in its entirety be cremated, mixed with Nitroglycerin, and reconstituted into one of those bundles of T.N.T. sticks – you know, the kind that coyote uses to try to kill that bird?”

“I apoint Osaka Binn Rogen, to act as the executor of this will, to serve without bond. Should Osaka Binn Rogen be unable or unwilling to serve, then I appoint Joe from the falafel stand down on 2nd street – he always remembered what I liked.”


“…To Abdel Abadi, loyal lieutenant, I leave my collection of vintage Playgirls and my hidden cache of bacon, as well as 10% of my estate…”


“…To my beloved Fatima, the best goat a man could desire, I leave all the rest and residue of my estate, should she survive me for sixty (60) days. If Fatima does not survive me, I give all the rest and residue of my estate to her lovely sister…”

Whether the decision is made to honor his last wishes or not, it is certain that May 2nd stands as a victory in the struggle for peace.

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