Help! My Cat Has A Gun To My Head!

“If you got a leg and a cat, you got a party!”
-George Carlin

Shhh…  don’t make any sudden movements, ok?  This cat doesn’t look very stable.  Where did she find a gun?

Let me start at the beginning.  Last weekend the wife and I adopted a stray cat (original article) who, in a clever ploy, was being vocal and adorable beneath our window.  We adopted a feline felon.

We didn’t realize it at the time – she was so adorable and attention hungry, we fawned over her.  In retrospect, she was just gaining our trust.

Her criminal tendencies weren’t immediately obvious; she would do little things like taunting the puppy and throwing cat litter in remarkable places.  Our puppy tried to chase her out for us, but that backfired as we scolded him for being mean to the adorable kitty-cat.

After about a week, our little rule-breaker got a name: Chupa-thingy.  Chupa for short.

Her criminal activity soon increased.  She started stealing dog treats that had been left out and trying to destroy new clothes.  And she has resisted (violently at times) all of our attempts to “let her” back outside.

Just last night, I watched her knock a bag of treats off the printer and eat them off the floor.  I should have suspected something.  But I didn’t.  It was all just cute kitty stuff, right?

Right. Now give me some more treats and nobody'll get hurt.

About a half hour ago I went looking for her.  I didn’t find her – she found me.  When I looked under the bed for her, what I found shocked me: my wallet, stacks of Euros, airline tickets and a Thai passport.  That’s when she snuck up on me.

So here we are.  I imagine she’s letting me write this because she’s a French-Thai kitty and doesn’t speak (or read) English.  So far she hasn’t made any demands.  I think she might just be waiting for the wife to walk in the door.  I don’t know.  Just call the cops, ok?  Somebody?  Anybody?

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11 thoughts on “Help! My Cat Has A Gun To My Head!

  1. Too funny. 😉
    Rename her Klepto Kitty. You’d be amazed at all the YouTube videos under that title. Others have felt your pain.

  2. Hilarious post (and gorgeous cat)!

    Are you serious about the Thai passport (wonder whose it is)?

    We had a cat that looked almost exactly like Chupa. He would wander the neighbor and (we assume, go through people’s pet doors INTO their homes) and STEAL. His treasures would be duly left inside our front door for us to see and compliment: a Jack in the Box wrapper (you will know what that is!), a seed packet, paper towels (6 times), a juice drink carton, a child’s art project (ripped out from under refrigerator magnets?), a baby bird, a couple of mushrooms, a bandana, a paper plate (left on driveway, ‘coz it wouldn’t fit through our cat door), a kitchen scrubbie, and a garden glove. Only the most previous treasure of all made it all the way to our bed…

    …a half-used pack of cigarettes!

    A whole new meaning to “cat burglar”!

      • Guess I should have known (about the gun, at least)! But you can understand how I might have slanderously overestimated Chupa’s diplomatic material thefts, after our experience with Sydney.

      • Yup. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to close comments on this page. I don’t think anyone will be wanting to legitimately comment anymore anyway.

        I’ll look later to see if there is a way to require comment moderation just for this page.

  3. What’s up, Just a heads up that when I come to the homepage I am redirected to this comment page, I’m really sure why but thought you would like to know Mainly on the homepage) Best wishes

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